it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
