I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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