I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
