I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
