Don't make out with my wife yet
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
