Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
