There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You may now shotgun with the bride
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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