This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
