His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
