I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
