I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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