Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
