I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
