Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
