i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
