This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sext me about skeletons
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
