so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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