Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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