Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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