i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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