thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
