she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
