Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
