I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
