he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
