I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
