then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
