No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
