I puked a lego.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
