Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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