ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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