Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
