Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
operation harelip BJ is a go
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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