The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
sarcasm needs its own font
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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