put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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