the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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