made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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