i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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