HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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