How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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