I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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