I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
