So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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