found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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