My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
