fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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