Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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