I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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