HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
