So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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