like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just had sex bonerless
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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