she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
