he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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